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      • Long Cruise
        01/31/07
        Bob Smith had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested one day, "Why don't we take a cruise for a week and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young?"

        He thought it over and agreed. Bob put on his hat and coat and went down to the corner

      • Time
        01/30/07
        A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging

      • Pass me another blanket.
        01/29/07
        A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

        In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'

      • Boiling Pot
        01/28/07
        Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, &q

      • Airline Food Service
        01/27/07
        Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."

        Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way,as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

        Tower: "Continental 635, cle

      • Meteor Crater
        01/26/07
        As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

        "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It

      • Mohel
        01/25/07
        This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little teavel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock.

        The man says, "M

      • Crossing the border.
        01/24/07
        While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

        "Sand," said the cyclist.

        "Get them off - we'll take a look,&quo

      • Cancelled Flight.
        01/23/07
        For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love!

        An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point

      • Scare
        01/22/07
        A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
        comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead

      • Heavy Luggage
        01/21/07
        A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed.

        "No more," the man said. "Next tim

      • Good Excuse.
        01/20/07
        A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles a

      • Clear Sky
        01/19/07
        Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.

        Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you dedu

      • Show him your cross.
        01/18/07
        Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

        "Quick, quick

      • It's Elvis!
        01/17/07
        Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so
        long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for

      • Blarney Stone
        01/16/07
        A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

        The group arrived at the site of the famous Bla

      • Tiny Bells.
        01/16/07
        If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement:

        In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country.

        The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful be

      • Noise Abatement.
        01/15/07
        Radar controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

        Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can
        we make up here?"

        Radar controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it
        hits a 747?&

      • Magician And His Parrot
        01/15/07
        A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

        There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
        each week and began to understand how th

      • Free Riders.
        01/14/07
        Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

        "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "W

      • Train Wake Up.
        01/14/07
        One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:

        "Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that y

      • Taxi Driver
        01/13/07
        An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.

        "Mu

      • Hard Of Hearing.
        01/13/07
        An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

        The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

        The old man yell

      • Train Engine Failure.
        01/13/07
        A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

        Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
      • Corporal Punishment.
        01/13/07
        Jonas is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

        Jonas is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corpo

      • Cross Country Bus Trip.
        01/13/07
        On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Jones became extremely queasy due to motion sickness. She make her way to the restroom,only to find it locked.She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of

      • Is Your Wife For Sale?
        01/13/07
        As US tourists in Lebanon, a man and his wife were sitting outside
        a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

        After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

        "America," the h

      • Pilot To Tower
        01/13/07
        Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .
        600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .
        please instruct!

        Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .
        repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

        Featured

      • What To Do With Hotel Soap.
        01/13/07
        Hotel correspondence.

        Dear Maid,
        Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They