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      • Cup Of Coffee
        02/27/07
        On an airline flight to Florida during a recent hurricane, the captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm. But it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passeng

      • Two Tourists
        02/26/07
        Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order,

      • Too Much Information
        02/23/07
        A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forwar

      • Hard Landing
        02/22/07
        Overheard on an United Airlines flight into Chicago, Illinois, on a particularly windy and bumpy day:

        During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight the wind.

        After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to C

      • Demanding Customer
        02/21/07
        An award should go to the Airline gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

        A crowded airline flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Sudd

      • Traffic Signs
        02/20/07
        A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

        Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"

        Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."

        Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of t

      • Excuse
        02/18/07
        A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles a

      • Bad Barber
        02/17/07
        A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?

        It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.

        So, how are you getting there?"

      • Bad Accident
        02/16/07
        Two men got out of their cars after they collided at an intersection. One took a flask from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a nip to calm your nerves." "Thanks," he said, and took a long pull from the container. "Here, you have one, too,"

      • Hitch Hiking
        02/15/07
        Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

        For gods sake! he screamed, Someone could have attacked you and raped you!

        I wasn't ever in no danger at all, she said, tryi

      • World's Smartest Man
        02/14/07
        One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dahlia Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill

      • Popularity
        02/13/07
        Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. Af

      • Lifeboat
        02/12/07
        After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when
        they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.

        'I'll

      • Bumpy Landing
        02/11/07
        An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a 'Thanks for flying XYZ airline.' He said that in ligh

      • Multilingual
        02/10/07
        A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.

        The two Americans just stare at him.

        "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.

        The two conti

      • New Driver
        02/09/07
        Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

        "I'll bet you

      • Engine Noise.
        02/08/07
        Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant: "What was the problem?"

        "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,

      • Blind Horse
        02/07/07
        An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

        He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

        Then the farmer hollered, "Pull

      • Popular Driving Habits.
        02/06/07
        Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway with either indicator flashing, but going nowhere.

        Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway even when the road is almost entirely empty.

        Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you.

        Not realis

      • Preoccupied Driver
        02/05/07
        A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

        The monkey

      • Murphy's Air Travel Laws
        02/04/07
        1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

        2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

        3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
      • Half Fare.
        02/03/07
        One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjo

      • Where We Are.
        02/02/07
        An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

        "How can you tell?" asked the Americ

      • Luggage Destinations
        02/01/07
        A passenger piled his cases on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent: "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones to go to Seattle."

        "I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that,"

    • January