This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding service:

Gentlemen:
I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
A Commuter

The Reply to the above:
Dear Sir:
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Western Railways

And the Counter-Reply was:
Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass... That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years!
Yours truly,
A Commuter

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Complaint letter from train passenger.

Gentlemen:
I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
A Passenger

The Reply to the above:
Dear Sir:
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Western Railways

And the Counter-Reply was:
Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass... That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years!
Yours truly,
A Passenger

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A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"This train doesn't stop at Victoria, it's the express."

"You are joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria!"

"Sorry sir. This train will not stop at Victoria."

"There must be something you can do."

"Well there is one thing ..."

"What? anything! I need to get off!"

"Well, I'll get the driver to slow down and I'll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"My God! Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

The train approaches the platform at 50 mph. The ticket collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running! The man is running in mid-air.

"Run faster! Run faster!" The ticket collector lowers the man down.

The man's feet touch the platform! Smoke flies of his shoes and his heel comes off. The man is running for his life!

The ticket collector lets go. The man is running at 30mph!

He's made it! he begins to slow down. He's still running at 20mph alongside the train as the other passengers watch in amazement. As the last carriage goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts him back onto the train.

As he's being pulled into the carriage, he hears a voice say ..."You're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't even stop at Victoria!"

Posted for your enjoyment by David G. Hallstrom, Sr.
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.Finally it creaks to a halt.

A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells,"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

Posted for your enjoyment by David G. Hallstrom, Sr.
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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not?" giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

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Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

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