Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.

Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."

You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Kiss My Grits" bumper sticker.

You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.

The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.

Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Stop at the green lights.

Go at red ones.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Wear a Chicken suit.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.