One night at an economy motel, a guest ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, he woke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

"Good morning," a young man said. "This is your wake-up call."

Annoyed, he let the motel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!, what if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't have been staying in this motel, would you?"

1. The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Nixon has resigned.

2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow.

4. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.

5. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.

6. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

7. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

8. Your wake up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter

............ TERM ................................. TRANSLATION

Old world charm ................................. No bath
Tropical ............................................. Rainy
Majestic setting ................................. A long way from town
Options galore ................................... Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway ............................ Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms .......................... Already occupied
Explore on your own ........................... Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts .................... They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees ..................................... No extras
Nominal fee ....................................... Outrageous charge
Standard ........................................... Sub-standard
Deluxe .............................................. Standard
Superior ............................................ One free shower cap
All the amenities ................................ Two free shower caps
Plush ................................................ Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes .................................. Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy ..................................... No air conditioning
Picturesque ....................................... Theme park nearby
Open bar ........................................... Free ice cubes

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For information about travel destinations within the United States see Travel America and for information about travel destinations worldwide see Travel Destinations.

Sharon, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Sharon asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

Posted for your enjoyment by David G. Hallstrom, Sr.
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An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Spokane Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, asked, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."

"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"

"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others others of Big Chief Forget- me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ''ello mate.')

On his return to the Spokane Hilton six months later was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

"How?" said the Aussie.

"Scrambled," said the Chief.

Posted for your enjoyment by David G. Hallstrom, Sr.
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A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York to. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an
Olympic sized pool and a huge conference center that were ailable for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.

The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Posted for your enjoyment by David G. Hallstrom, Sr.
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