On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Jones became extremely queasy due to motion sickness. She make her way to the restroom,only to find it locked.She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore unaware of what had happened. When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit.

Turning to him, Mrs.Jones said, "There now, are you feeling better?"

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As US tourists in Lebanon, a man and his wife were sitting outside
a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin,the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her
husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

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Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .
please instruct!

Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .
repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

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Hotel correspondence.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
Guest

Dear Guest,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.
Relief Maid

Dear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently the relief maid did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

Guest

Dear Guest,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,

Dear Guest,
The assistant manager, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

Thank you.
Housekeeper

Dear Housekeeper,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6:00PM. That's the reason I called the assistant manager last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

Guest

Dear Guest,
Your maid has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8:AM and 5:PM.

Thank you,
Housekeeper

Dear Assistant Manager,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

Guest

Dear Guest,
I have informed our housekeeper of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
apologies for the inconvenience.

Assistant Manager

Dear Housekeeper,
Who left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

Guest

Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them emoved.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Housekeeper

Dear Housekeeper,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of
4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 3.
- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1
stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask the maid when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

Guest

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