An airline captain was breaking in a new, blonde flight attendant. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The flight attendant replied, "There are only three doors in here, one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

1. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

2. You can make instant sun tea.

3. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

4. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

5. You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

6. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

7. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

8. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window.

She goes in and hands the man her clock.

The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions."

She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"

And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.

Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."