An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got an e:mail from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000...... please advise".

So the old man e:mailed back:...
...Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."

1. The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Nixon has resigned.

2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow.

4. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.

5. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.

6. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

7. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

8. Your wake up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter

An airline captain was breaking in a new, blonde flight attendant. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The flight attendant replied, "There are only three doors in here, one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

1. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

2. You can make instant sun tea.

3. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

4. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

5. You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

6. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

7. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

8. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"