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Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
]]> Camping http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-214338 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 13 May 2008 02:43:38 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080512-214338 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-204506
2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow.

4. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.

5. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.

6. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

7. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

8. Your wake up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter]]> Hotel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-204506 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 27 Apr 2008 01:45:06 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080426-204506 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-212912
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried,"one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!" ]]> Airline Travel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-212912 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 06 Apr 2008 02:29:12 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080405-212912 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-201202
2. You can make instant sun tea.

3. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

4. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

5. You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

6. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

7. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

8. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"]]> General http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-201202 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 22 Mar 2008 01:12:02 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080321-201202 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080314-021626
She goes in and hands the man her clock.

The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions."

She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"

And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"]]> General http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080314-021626 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 14 Mar 2008 07:16:26 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080314-021626 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-234227
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."]]> Car http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-234227 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 07 Mar 2008 05:42:27 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080306-234227 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-234953
That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.

Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"]]> Car http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-234953 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:49:53 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080303-234953 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-211023
So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."]]> Car http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-211023 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:10:23 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080228-211023 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080222-163949
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children... or other adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."]]> Airline Travel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080222-163949 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:39:49 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080222-163949 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080221-102657 "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child.pick your favorite.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."]]> Airline Travel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080221-102657 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:26:57 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080221-102657 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080219-142827
He came swishing down the aisle and said to the women seated beside him, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.

"On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that one of the women hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess." I take orders from no one."

"Well, sweet cheeks," he replied, "In my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up.]]> Airline Travel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080219-142827 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:28:27 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080219-142827 http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080217-193100
2. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

3. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

4. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

5. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

6. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

7. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

8. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

9. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

10. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

11. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

12. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.]]> Airline Travel http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080217-193100 Resources For Attorneys tj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 18 Feb 2008 01:31:00 GMT http://traveljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=02&entry=entry080217-193100